The last articles where mainly about topics related to the development of our personality. So I think it’s time for some relaxation now.
Below this blog article (browser view) you will find a link to a Spotify playlist with so-called EMDR music. EMDR stands for “Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing”. This technique was originally developed for psychotherapy, but is also excellent servant for deep relaxation. It is based on the phenomenon that during sleep in the REM phase (Rapid Eye Movement), we store experiences, events and the associated emotions in our “file system in the brain” and thus process them. In the case of particularly intense or touchung negative experiences, this sometimes doesn’t work – usually because our subconscious mind is overwhelmed or has no reference as to where this experience can best be sorted. Hence it continues to haunt us, can block us or – when we encounter a similar situation again – make us overreact (trigger).
EMDR makes use of the phenomenon of REM sleep, simulating the stimulation of the two hemispheres of the brain as it happens during the night, through various methods in the waking state. In this way we can achieve deep relaxation and let go of stress. In the so-called WingWave® Coaching, this stimulation is achieved by inducing rapid eye movements; however, appropriate music can also be used for this purpose. And this is what the playlist is for.
When I listened to this music for the first time, I was somehow irritated. The sound travels in waves from the left ear to the right ear and back again. That’s why it’s important for the effectiveness that you wear headphones. At first my mind found it so strange that it had trouble letting go. But when I gradually managed to get into it, I literally immersed myself. Now I use the music to meditate on days when my mental chatterbox is particularly talkative 😉 ‘ Most of the time it works quite well. Maybe it’s something for you too?
Grab your headphones, find a quiet spot and let your subconscious ride the acoustic wave.
If your mind needs more information about WingWave® and EMDR before it can let go with confidence, I have also listed a few more links below this article.
“You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.”
For sure, the Eagles meant something different with these lines in the song “Hotel California” – but when I heard them the other day while jogging, I spontaneously thought, “Yeah, that’s what life feels like right now.” Aren’t we all somehow “caught” in a situation from which we can’t escape? We have to endure, persevere, keep going. This requires energy, confidence, a healthy body and emotional balance.
And the best way to strengthen these resources is to realize that – even if we have to stay in a situation – we can “checkout” at any time – in other words, there are always opportunities to take small time-outs, to unplug. Especially when things get too much for us, some kind of checkout is particularly important. How often do we get stuck in everyday situations – be it the traffic jam on the highway, the wait at the doctor’s or the line at the checkout at the supermarket. Instead of struggling through it, it often helps to press the pause button for a moment. And sometimes the emerging, relaxed attitude leads to options opening up that ease the situation.
That’s why I would like to invite you to include “checkouts” in your life in order to come to rest – even if it’s only for a short time – to recharge your batteries and stay calm and healthy.
Basically, it is already a checkout if you consciously change your activities. If you sit a lot, stand up. If you look at the screen a lot, let your eyes wander into the distance. If you have ti talk a lot, allow yourself times of silence. If you work inside a lot, go outside, etc.
The following checkouts do not take much of your time, but they are very effective. And if you prefer to do them in a quiet place, here’s a tip I often get ridiculed for: a perfect escape is the toilet.
“Check Out any time your like” – 11 Tips
1. 3 times the Breath – Stop whatever you are doing now and close your eyes. Bring your attention to your shoulders. On the next exhale, drop your shoulders and consciously let all tension leave your body. Place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly and repeat the following breathing rhythm three times: Breathe in consciously and for a long time. Hold the breath for a moment. Exhale completely. Be aware of the “still point” between exhalation and the next inhalation – then inhale again.
2. Focus Play Look up and choose an object in the distance to focus on. Consciously notice that all impressions in the surroundings of this object become blurred by this focus. Now choose another object that lies in the same line of sight, but is closer to you. Now direct your eyes and focus on this object and notice how again everything that seemed sharp becomes blurred. Switch your focus between these two objects 3-5 times.
3. “We think too much and dance too little” Put on your favorite music and go wild dancing. Level up: loudly sing along 😉
4. 5-4-3-2-1 Method Stop what you are doing and thinking. Close your eyes for a moment and imagine a stop sign. Open your eyes again and List 5 things you are seeing right now. Then turn your attention to sounds and count 5 things you are hearing. Afterwards, focus on 5 things you feel and name them. Next, notice 5 things you smell and name them. Start over and practice 4 more rounds: 4 things you see, 4 you hear and 4 you feel, 4 you smell. 3 that you see, 3 that you hear, 3 that you feel, 3 that you smell, etc.
5. Beginners Mind Perform the next activity as if you were doing it for the first time. Reduce the speed of execution and look at everything with curiosity and fascination.
6. Fresh Breeze Get up, open the window. Stand by the window and just look into the distance for a minute. Level up: Take a short walk (no matter what the weather!) and combine it with checkout #4, #8 and #9.
7. Upside Down Consciously perform the next activity “the other way around”, e.g. Operate the mouse on your computer with the other hand. Write with the other hand. Walk a few steps backwards. Intentionally put on two different colored socks etc.
8. Digital Detox You probably know this one: go offline for an evening – or for an hour to start with. No PC, no tablet, no cell phone, no radio, no TV – just “switch off”.
9. Grounded Take off your shoes and walk barefoot for a while – On the carpet, the floor inside and outside. Consciously notice how the ground feels under your feet.
10. Get Tense – to Relax Stop what you are doing. Take one deep breath. Now tense all the muscles in your body at once: – Inhale deeply to tighten your chest – Strongly form fists with your hands – Pull your shoulders up and push them backwards – Tense your abdomen by pressing it toward your spine – Tense your jaw muscles – Press your tongue against the roof of your mouth – Tense your forehead – Squint your eyes – Hold the tension for 5-7 seconds – Let go and enjoy the relaxation!
11. RAK’n’Roll RAK stands for “Random Acts of Kindness” – small gestures of generosity. Do something kind for someone – spend a smile, help carrying bags, hold the door open, pay the coffee to go for the person behind you in line, etc.
In addition to these “express checkouts,” it’s a good idea to regularly schedule longer time-outs into your daily routine that benefit your well-being: – Cook healthy meals and eat with pleasure and awareness. – Exercise and sport units – Power naps – Walks in the fresh air …
And if you need a song to check out, here’s the song to the article:
When I moved out of my one-bedroom student apartment several years ago, after living there for about five years, I was surprised about the number of moving boxes that gradually filled up. The first 20 were quickly packed – and I hadn’t seen the basement yet! Over the years, a lot had accumulated in the 26 square meters. In addition to what I had taken from home, I gradually added new things – without letting go of old one. Sometimes because I didn’t even consider it, and sometimes because I couldn’t or didn’t want to let go.
So in this move was also a chance. The chance to sort out, to let go, to think about what I really still need. If you’ve ever moved, you might know this: you suddenly have things in your hands that you didn’t even know existed anymore. So why carry them around any longer? If you are not so good at leaving things behind, you pack “maybe boxes” (= maybe I need this again). These are the moving boxes that then are left unpacked in the basement for years in the new apartment — and crazy enough, are sometimes even dragged along for another move.
This reminded me of habits. Some of our habits we are not even aware of. We function as if on autopilot, without questioning. Maybe we don’t want to because then we would have to admit to ourselves that they are not good for us? Some of our habits are like the unpacked boxes in the basement. We don’t really need them, sometimes they even get in the way when we need space for something new. But we’ve just gotten so used to them, they give us a sense of familiarity and security. And then there are the “gifts”, habits that we have adopted because someone told us or we read somewhere that they are good and important to be successful, healthy, happy, etc. Maybe they fit into our “inner home” – but maybe we have a different style? In any case, we should also question them from time to time.
“I can, because I want to, what I must.” – Immanuel Kant
Most of the time, with habits it’s similar to moving: we only consider cleaning out and questioning when a change in the outside world prompts us to do so and we realize that it no longer works a certain way: a new work situation, new demands at work, a drastic life event. Then we can, because we have to.
But why wait for the move? How about a regular emotional and mental spring cleaning to act more consciously and hold space? An “I can because I want to,” so to speak?
If we manage to regularly “clean up” our habits, we create agility, lightness and space for new things. And a nice side effect is that the next “move” becomes much faster and easier to manage.
What habits, routines and thought patterns could you question and clean out next week to create space for new things in your life?
Last week we talked about optimism as an important aspect of resilience and about how optimistic differ from people with a less positive mindset. (Click here for part 1 of the article).
Especially in times when it feels as if the jokes turn sour, healthy optimism is essential for maintaining mental, emotional and physical health. However, optimism is not walking through life with a neverending blissful smile (even if humour does make some things more bearable). Rather, optimism is about mental agility, i.e. the ability to track down one’s own thinking traps and to develop beneficial thoughts.
Establishing effective thought patterns means:
Willing to stop the autopilot mode
Being open to consider your own thoughts as one possible way of seeing things – but not THE TRUTH or the only way
Becoming aware of your autopilot mode, i.e. noticing when you automatically switch on the same thinking patterns in response to certain stimuli, stressors or triggers.
Developing the ability to switch off this autopilot, get at the helm and consciously choose thoughts that are beneficial to the situation, the relationship, problem solving and/or your wellbeing.
Our life is what our thoughts make it. (Marcus Aurelius)
Mental agility is important for personal resilience because it is our thoughts that create our emotions which in turn influence our actions. Hence, the effectiveness of our actions depends on how well we can control and influence our thoughts. For we can’t always control what happens to us – but we can control how we want to think about it (you’ve probably heard this one before ;-)).
The 5 most common thinking traps on autopilot
When we are confronted with an unpleasant or uncertain situation, it is normal that we tend to find explanations. The only question is: do we seek these explanations only in our brain (ruminating, interpreting, thinking loops) and turn what we think into a belief – or do we choose to clarify the situation externally in order to move forward? Apart from their mood-lowering effect, all 5 thinking traps have one thing in common that makes them so bad: they block communication and thus further steps on the way to a solution.
Let me demonstrate the 5 thinking traps with an example: A dear friend recently applied for a job and got no reaction to her application. I’ll tell you what she did about it at the end of this article. But for know let’s assume her to be stuck in the 5 thinking traps:
Thinking Trap
Explained
In my friend’s mind …
1. Mind Reading
You assume to know what another person is thinking about you (which is mostly not very positive) or you expect other persons to know what you are thinking.
“Well, if they don’t get back to me they did not like my application.” “I can’t believe they did not answer! They should know that applicants do not feel good when they don’t receive any message!”
2. Me-Trap
You believe that you are the sole cause of every setback and problem.
“Perhaps I was too late with my application.” “Ugh, perhaps I got e-mail address wrong?” “They probably don’t like somebody like me.” “I should have known better – there are millions of candidates that are better than me.”
3. Them-Trap
You believe that other people or circumstances are the sole cause of your setbacks and problems.
“How can somebody be so ignorant to not answer at all?” “They are probably totally disorganized!” “These online recruiting portals just let applications disappear.”
4. Catastrophising
You waste all your energy ruminating on the irrational worst case outcomes of a situation, overestimating the threat and underestimating you own abilties to cope with it.
“Gosh, if I don’t get this job I will not be able to pay the rent.” “Probably they know my former boss who provided a bad reference.” “What if my application got into the wrong hands?
5. Helplessness
You are convinced, that you cannot do anything about the situation or problem. That’s just life and how it always is.
“Well, that’s just how application processes are unfolding these days.” “I followed all their instructions. It was probably not meant to be.” “And again something in my life that does not work out …”
We tend to have a preferred thinking trap. Which one is yours? What program is your autopilot running on? Awareness is the first step to switch off the autopilot and create new thoughts.
3 ways to switch off the mental autopilot
Switch
Instructions
Sound
1. Evidence
To bring your brain back on track, use solid data and facts to proof to yourself why the thought is not true and to challenge your counterproductive thoughts.
Use a mental sentence starter like “That is not true because …” “… I checked the e-mail address twice.” “… I also did not receive a rejection.” “I do not know how they work in this company.”
2. Reframing
Use optimism strategically to get the outcomes you want and reframe the way you are perceiving the situations.
Tell yourself: “A more helpful way /better way to see this is …”
3. Plan
This switch is particularly helpful if you tend to catastrophize. Create a contingency plan for the worst case scenario(s).
“If x happens, I will do y.” “If I do not get a response by the end of the week, I will …” “If I do not get this job, I will …”
Back to my friend. She decided to act like a true optimist. She didn’t go into autopilot mode, but courageously picked up the phone (proactivity) to gain clarity (gathering information). Through the nice conversation with the recruiter, she was able to explain her qualifications in more detail with regard to the job and to answer questions – and thus, her application moved from the rejection pile back into the application process — and finally she got the job!
See, it pays to be the driver of your thoughts and actions 😉 So, get at the helm and out on the road!
Optimism is an important component of resilience – and one that is very often misinterpreted. What comes to your mind when you hear the word “optimism”? Seeing everything through rose-coloured glasses? Naivety? Putting lipstick on a pig? Or even the saying: “A pessimist is an optimist with experience”?
Looked at closely, optimism is far from being unrealistic – on the contrary. It’s proven, that optimists are more proactive in facing challenges, partly because they have a better eye for – and focus on – the aspects they can influence and are thus more confident about the future. Confidence is a crucial aspect of resilience. It is, so to speak, the engine that enables us to endure and move on in the face of adversity.
What’s different about optimists?
According to studies (sources and references at the end of the article), more optimistic people differ from people with a less positive attitude in three aspects:
Perception – optimists are better at
perceiving and identifying problems (reality check)
seeing difficult situations as a challenge – not a threat
having an eye for what they can influence
accepting aspects over which they have no influence
Behaviour – optimists are more inclined to
actively step into difficult situations in order to cope with them – rather than getting stuck or avoiding them
seek information to get a comprehensive picture of the situations
ask for help
take action
have an exercise routine
eat a healthier
Emotions – optimists have
more positive emotions overall
a healthy sense of humour, which they also use to cope with difficult situations
How do they do it?
The heart of optimism is the way we evaluate and assess situations. On the one hand, there is the general disposition of how we see people and the world (“Everything will be all right in the end – and if it’s not all right, it’s not the end.” // “People are basically good.” …). Secondly, it is about what we think about negative experiences in the past and about the future, i.e. how we explain to ourselves what happened or what could happen. The two levers here are:
Taking things personally (pessimist) – or not (optimist).
Generalisation (pessimist) – or differentiation (optimist).
Let me give you an example: Imagine you are looking for a job and have applied for a very attractive position in a great company. After some time you receive a rejection.
The optimist’s explanation for this rejection differs from the pessimist’s as follows:
Optimist
Pessimist
“Probably something didn’t fit on part of the company.”
“I’m just not good enough.”
Taking it personally
“There is probably an even more suitable job for me out there.” / “This is not the only job out there.”
“I’ll never find a job.”
Generalisation of the situation
“It just did not work out at this company.”
“Probably no company wants somebody like me.”
Generalisation of rejection
You may already notice what you are more likely to lean into. And yes, regarding this topic, circumstances may be challenging right now. But that makes it all the more important to maintain confidence in order to move on. And the good news is: optimistic thinking patterns can be developed! It is possible to track down your less productive interpretations and transform them into more effective ones. And it’s worth it!
Those who know how to positively influence their thinking style
cope better with stress
experience more social support from friends, family and colleagues – because people prefer to surround themselves with postive people
have happier relationships
have a better emotional and mental well-being
are more satisfied and happy with their lives
are less likely to develop symptoms of depression
have a better immune system
reduce their risk of a heart attack
live longer
are more successful at work
act more effective under pressure
In next week’s article you will learn how you can develop your optimism muscle and effective thinking patterns, how thinking traps might get into your way and how a real-life example that actually has to do with job applications shows optimism at work.
Because: An optimist is a pessimist who has learned to form his thoughts for his benefit.
Aspinwall L.G., Richter, L. & Hoffman,III, R.R. (2001). Understanding how optimism works: An examination of optimists’ adaptive moderation in belief and behavior. In E.C.Chang (Ed.) Optimism & pessimism: Implications for theory, research, and practice (217-238.) Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Peterson and Steen. Optimistic Explanatory Style Chapter 29, Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology, Edition 2 (2011.)
Sometimes I wonder how many “how-to-books”, biographies or blogs of “successful people” the great visionaries and personalities in world history have read themselves? I wonder if Steve Jobs ever googled “how to be successful”? Whether Nelson Mandela was inspired by quotes from the Dalai Lama? I if Astrid Lindgren ever read “10 secrets of successful authors”? There’s that inner voice that tells me – rather unlikely.
So there’s not much clever to read here today. Rather, I would like to invite you to follow a very good source of inspiration: Your inner wisdom. Take a drink of your choice, tea or coffee, find a nice place, take your time and then go within and listen to yourself: If you were to write yourself a blog article today, an impulse for your well-being to get you through the next week, what would be the headline? What would the content be?
If you like, take a piece of paper and jot down your thoughts. Or let them appear in your mind’s eye.
Either way, I’m sure you’ve rarely received a more appropriate weekly impulse 😉 You are wise! Get through the week well and be good to yourself!
The idea for this blog article actually came to me during my morning yoga session. It made me realise that our body sometimes adopts a protective posture to avoid pain. This can happen after an injury, for example, or also when we experience pain during certain movements due to immobility, overstraining or inflammation. Temporarily, this protective posture can be helpful, necessary or consciously wanted to enable relief and healing. In the case of major injuries, we are even prescribed this protective posture if, for example, joints, tendons or bones are temporarily immobilised by a plaster cast, orthosis or similar.
Normally, however, the protective posture happens unconsciously and and build ups continuously. Usually, we only become aware of it when we experience pain in another part of the body, because an imbalance has been created by the permanent protective posture, which has to be compensated for by an incorrect posture. And so the imbalance increases while our flexibility decreases.
And then I thought: isn’t it the same with emotions? Don’t we also tend to avoid certain situations, people or events (or keep them at bay by being particularly tough) if our last experience was bad or painful? For example, if you gave a talk in front of many people and had a total blackout, would you immediately go back on stage? If you had a fall (from a horse, bicycle, motorbike, while skiing ….), would you get back on immediately? If you were hurt in your last relationship, can you start again with confidence and trust in the new one?
Pain happens – no matter whether it is caused by physical or emotional injuries. And yes, relief needs a certain amount of time which helps to process (not surpress or block). Take this time! But then it is important not to remain in this posture, but to get moving again as quickly as possible and slowly rebuild flexibility – it’s the same with emotions as it is with muscles. Because if we maintain the protective posture, it may feel safe at first – but in the long run it has unpleasant consequences:
Emotional imbalance: To avoid one feeling, we develop another one stronger, such as hardness to avoid sadness.
Lack of flexibility: We unlearn how to deal with certain emotions – and suffer all the more when we encounter them again. I.e. there is even a
Greater risk of injury.
Pain in other areas: We may succeed in avoiding some injuries and pain. However, our isolation also prevents beautiful experiences, joy and liveliness – and makes us lonely in the long run.
And just like the physical recovery, the emotional recovery also feels uncertain and “shaky” in the beginning. But hold on, it will settle with time! This is the only way to stay lithely so that you can unfold your full potential and experience the complete “range of motion” of life and emotions.
Where have you fallen into a protective posture emotionally? How could you regain flexibility?
And as I am writing this — doesn’t it all somehow apply to our thoughts and perspectives, too?
So – time for some stretching exercises – for the body, the mind and the heart – and then off into life!
“He who likes himself is also able to like others. Ernst Ferstl
How do you feel reading this quote? Would you agree?
The topic of self-love has run through science and philosophy for centuries. Psychologists agree that self-love is a prerequisite for a good connection to the world and to other people. It is an important aspect of self-esteem and self-efficacy – both essential foundations for lasting satisfaction.
Mirror, mirror …
And you, do you like yourself? Try the following:
Find a mirror in your home and stand in front of it. This can also be a full-body mirror.
Look at yourself, look closely, take your time.
Then look into your eyes and say: “(Your first name), I love you! You are wonderful and lovable!”
So, how did you feel about this exercise? What did you think when you looked at yourself? Did the words come easily to your lips? Or not at all?
If you had a strange feeling, no worries, you are not alone.
Self-love is usually not very popular. It is often compared with unhealthy egoism and even narcissism. However, wrongly so. Interestingly, the unhealthy forms of egoism and also narcissism are in fact rooted in a lack of self-love. And while these two qualities are characterised by the fact that they harm your fellow human beings, healthy self-love is one of the greatest gifts you can give to people around you. For those who rest in themselves, who know what they want, are clear in their intentions and needs without having to fight for them in a tense and dogged way. If you meet a person with healthy self-love, you know where you stand and an open, appreciative dialogue at eye level is possible. The result is an exchange that does not leave you feeling “shortchanged”. For those who love themselves have learned to take care of themselves – and not to make others responsible for their well-being and happiness.
“But he who wants to become light and a bird must love himself.” Friedrich Nietzsche
The amount of self-love and appreciation you give yourself has a positive effect on your satisfaction in different areas of your life:
Your work: Healthy self-love helps you to find a job that suits you and fulfils you – but also to set limits in time to avoid continuous strain and overload.
Your relationships: Whether friends, family or partnership – if you value yourself, it will be easier for you to recognise, choose and have relationships that are characterised by mutual respect, inspiration and an inspiring energy. You will seek and cultivate relationships in which you enrich each other – rather than complement each other.
Your health and lifestyle: If you feel you are worthy of it, you will automatically and without a guilty conscience schedule time for yourself and your well-being. These appointments will have equal priority than your duties in your calendar.
Quick self-check: How are you doing in self-love?
Read through the following statements and note how many of them apply to you:
Sometimes I feel like I’m there for everyone – but no one cares how I’m doing.
It is often difficult for me to make decisions because I am always looking for a solution that satisfies all parties involved.
I often hold back because I feel that what I think or have to say might displease others.
At work I always give 110% – but I seem to be the only one who sees how engaged I am.
To really get ahead in life and work, you just have to try hard enough.
I have to live up to expectations in order to be loved and recognised.
I have a hard time being alone with myself (need distraction and feedback, e.g. through social media).
“First work, then pleasure” – I take time for sport and relaxation and myself when all duties are fulfilled.
I’d rather have a complicated relationship than be alone.
Cooking for myself alone is not worth it.
Sweets and alcohol are a good consolation.
I often have the feeling that I can “never do it right”.
If someone needs my help, I am there for him/her – even if I am not doing so well myself at the moment.
I often help without being asked – but find it disappointing when the other person doesn’t see that I want his or her best or doesn’t follow my advice.
I have to totally withdraw (physically and/or emotionally) to take care of myself.
I often have the feeling of being taken advantage of.
When I don’t succeed at something, I am very hard on myself (negative self-talk, etc.).
In the past week, I have taken almost no time for my well-being (e.g. relaxing, activities that make me happy).
In the past month, I have met with many people because I felt it was expected of me – even though the meetings left me feeling “empty and low on energy” at the end.
I have no problem saying what I think and taking what I need – even if it hurts others.
It often feels like “I am being lived” instead of having the reins in my own hands.
Each statement probably applies individually to each of us at one time or another. But if you recognise yourself in most of the statements and they apply to you most of the time, you should spend a little more time developing your self-love.
Because if you don’t find love and recognition in yourself, you will look for it on the outside, i.e. you leave it to other people to judge what makes you valuable, lovable, successful. You define yourself through the expectations of others and thus are “being lived”. Who determines your needs? Who defines your limits? And who pushes you beyond these limits? Yourself – or others?
There are as many opinions as there are people. And everyone “wants you good”. If you don’t manage to be good to yourself, you will feel misunderstood, unloved, exhausted, insecure, disappointed. And in this needy state you are of no help to yourself or others.
Three key elements of self-love
How about declaring this year the year of self-love? If you are interested in increasing your self-worth, take a closer look at the following three aspects:
Your needs: Do you know your needs and can you express them? Do you stand behind yourself and your needs?
Your inner critic: How do you talk to yourself?
Your beliefs: Do you have beliefs that prevent you from standing up for yourself? Or inner drivers that cause you to always “take a back seat”?
Be good to yourself and take care of yourself! You are wonderful and lovable.
Where angels dwell, there is heaven, even in the midst of the tumult of the world. Ḫāǧe Šams ad-Dīn Moḥammad Ḥāfeẓ-e Šīrāzī
Even if you don’t believe in angels, read on. When the term came to my mind this morning, I wasn’t thinking of heaven sent, winged messengers, but rather of “real people”. This year has been a rollercoaster ride – and it looks like we’ll be doing a few more rides in the coming year. But you and I – we have made it this far. And I’m sure you, too, weren’t alone on the ride.
Who are the angels in your life? Who was an angel for you particularly this year ? Who has done you good? Who has lifted you up? Who was there for you – listened to you, gave you space? Who has inspired you, has helped you to grow wings?
And – do these people know that they were or are angels to you?
In one of my last trainings, at the end, each participant was asked to write down something positive about every other participant. The small feedback slips were then handed over personally, the participants looked each other in the eye and spoke out what they had written down. Sounds simple. But it was incredibly powerful. The energy that was in the room at the end really did lift everyone up. At the beginning, it was noticeable how unfamiliar it is for most of us 1. to formulate valuable and substantial positive feedback that goes beyond a “thank you”, 2. to actually express such feedback and 3. to accept it – without feeling weird, without talking it down. But with each feedback, the insecurity diminished and appreciation filled the room. There is hardly a better way to express appreciation. To be able to say exactly what you like about the other person requires that you engage with him or her, that you think about that person more thoroughly. Perhaps we are often aware of many things – but rarely do we say them. We are quick to take many things for granted, good at formulating what we lack – without seeing what we already have. Sometimes we wait for the big miracle – and overlook the many small ones around us. Sometimes we overload people with our expectations – not recognizing how much they already do for us.
Which of your angels could you show your appreciation in the next few days?
And: To whom could you be an angel? How?
Let’s move closer together. This is also possible with physical distance and masks – through actions, words, looks, a loving and benevolent attitude.
Let us be more angels to each other, let us grow wings – because many things are easier when we are lifted up.
Today I want to share a story with you that I discovered in a TEDx Talk by Master Shi Hen Yi (Shaolin Monk) (link below this article if you are interested in the whole talk). Because I love stories! Because Christmas is around the corner – and Christmas is the time of stories. And because I think it fits perfectly into this time when we often think about which path we should take in the following year. Enjoy.
A man was living close to a mountain. And every day he was thinking: “How would it be to climb that moutain and what would I see on the peak?” So finally the day came, and the man went on the journey. Arriving at the foot of the mountain, he met the first traveller. So he asked: “How did you get up the mountain and what did you see from the top?” And so the traveller shared his path and also the view that he had. But then the man was thinking: “The way that this traveller decribed to me sounds very exhausting. I need to find another way to climb.” So he continued to walk on the foot of the mountain until he met the next traveller. So once again he asked: “How did you climb up that mountain and what did you see from the top?” And so again the traveller shared his story. Still not being determined on which direction and way to go, the man asked 30 more people. When he finished talking to all of them, he finally made up his mind. “Now that so many people already shared with me their path and also what they saw from the top, I don’t need to climb there anymore.”
“You can be shown the way, but you have to walk it yourself.”
Bruce Lee
It is very unfortunate, this man never went on the journey. Because:
Each individual needs to find the most suitable way to climb that mountain
There is information possible to be shared with words – but it is impossible to share the experience of clarity when you are standing on that peak by yourself
We can only find out for ourselves what efforts are necessary for us to reach the summit. Only in this way can we gain more knowledge about ourselves.
More clarity about ourselves means also seeing other things more clearly, becoming aware of which decisions are the right ones for us in order to get closer to our goals. We can decide from within ourselves, gain faith in ourselves – and thus lose the doubt and insecurity that grows the with the number of people telling us, what to do.
This clarity increases our focus and determination = less distraction = more sense of achievement = more self-efficacy = more happiness!
Is there a mountain that you have “given up” on climbing – but which still gives you no peace?
Where do you rely on the paths of others because you have not yet explored yours?
