A cold lasts 7 days with medication, a week without. I think this is how the saying goes. And it shows nicely that some things just take their time.
They need the time they need.
They need the time that YOU need for it.
And that is independent of the fact that everything in our world (apparently) goes faster and faster.

Another saying that comes to mind is: “The grass doesn’t grow faster if you pull on it.”

But because we have so many things available so quickly these days (at least in our Western world) and increased comfort seems to be the goal, I think we run the risk of unlearning how to deal with the uncomfortable, how to endure, how to persevere.
The cell phone or the PC doesn’t run as smoothly since the last update – bang, a new one is ordered.
Contacting friends in the USA? No problem thanks to Internet flat rates and video telephony.
The favorite movie is shown at a time when I’m not at home? No matter, I can record it or watch it later online.
The guy from the last date starts to get weird after the fourth meeting – no big deal. Just choose a new match.

Yes, maybe there are actually less inconveniences – but if something doesn’t work out, we get stressed much faster.

And the really important and big things in life can’t be ordered on the Internet. We are often presented with successes – but rarely with how much effort and time it took to achieve them.

In addition, some things simply need time to unfold, to show themselves to us fully, to flourish. Whether that’s people, or jobs, new colleagues, or developments I’m going through myself – physically or mentally.

Can you keep at it when things get uncomfortable, seem to be going nowhere, or you even experience a setback?

What if all these phases are part of it, if we have to endure them and persevere in order to “finally arrive”?
The sore muscles, the plateau phase or the fatigue caused by overtraining in sports.
The first conflict, the revealing quirks or the routine everyday life in relationships.
The feeling of incompetence at the beginning, overwork in the middle and boredom in the now familiar job?

To return to the grass: it’s a bit like gardening. If I just sow and then move on because the cultivating, nurturing and caring is too much for me, I will never get to enjoy the flowering or harvest.

Where could you give yourself or others – or a thing – even more time to unfold, to blossom, to show itself fully?

Take it and give it!

Birgit

Stand up.
Stand loosely – and then cross your arms.
And now loosen your arms – and cross them again – but the other way around.

Okay.
Second exercise.

Sit down, take a pen and write your name.
And now hold the pen with the other hand and write your name again.

So, how did they feel – the two versions of crossing arms and writing your name?

What am I getting at?
This week my motto was “doing it your way.”
And it occurred to me that because of our personalities, preferences and experiences, we often have very different approaches. Different ways of doing things. Different paths to the goal. A different pace.
And sometimes we can “go all out.”
But often we also try to force ourselves into the “second version” – becaus all others do or because we think, it is expected of us.
Because we want to belong.
Or we don’t want to stand out.
Or we think that there is something wrong with us.
Or we don’t know how to deal with the reactions to our “uniqueness”.

Yes, we may adapt – but it takes a lot of energy, feels strange and often leads to a result that is far from what we could actually achieve.

Of course, it is important to be able to adapt, to try out the other versions in order to understand them and to remain agile in our minds.
But most of the time it is easier to reach the goal and it feels better if we can and are allowed to be true to ourselves.

I used to feel this way at work in meetings. In my team at the time, I was probably a “slow thinker” compared to the others. And when we were galloping through the agenda and the colleagues were talking about point 5, I often had missed points 3&4 because I still had questions about point 2 😉
In the early years I thought – how embarrassing. I can’t ask – I must make an effort. Later, with more experience and self-confidence, I just stopped the galloping and said: “I still have a question about the previous point.” (And to my surprise, it was not uncommon that all to a sudden others on the team joined me).
Result: colleagues got to know me better, I understood better, was able to work more effectively – and had the good feeling of being authentic.

Where could you muster up a little more courage to stand by your needs and your way of doing things?

And where might you allow others more space to be different?

Be unique!

Birgit

This week I took the practical final exams again. 7 candidates who gave their best – two of them repeaters.
And during this exam I suddenly became aware again:
How well a person can develop and call on his or her skills depends not only on his or her competence – but also on the environment. It is not enough for a car to have a powerful engine. It also needs a driver who knows how best to put that horsepower on the road.

I believe that our attitude alone, and how we as examiners present ourselves to the examinees, has a massive influence on the exam result.
And I’m not talking about glossing over mediocre or poor performance.
I’m talking about creating an appreciative atmosphere in the first place, in which the best possible performance can be called up.

And I think this can also be transferred to everyday life.
If we are disappointed again and again or find ourselves in the same situations again and again, we should think about what part we have in it.

Do we allow our counterparts to bring out their best selves?
Do we believe in the beauty, best intentions and potential in the other?
Or are we just looking for confirming evidence for our already established evaluation, judgements and beliefs about that person? (“That’s what I expected from the beginning!”).
Are we open to the possibility that this person may (positively) surprise us?
Do we focus on being right or on helping the other grow and flourish?

We will always find evidence to confirm what we are already convinced of. That’s because we don’t look for evidence to the contrary. Psychology calls this “confirmation bias”.

So if we want to get something different, it all starts with expecting something different – or even better, letting go of all expectations and letting go completely of the other person or the situation. Just letting him/her be who he/she is.

Unknown territories will not appear at the end of well-trodden paths.

With which people and situations are your presuppositions already like “well-trodden paths”?
And with whom would you like to go new ways and see where they lead you?

Stay curious and open,

Birgit

“It feels as if the last year has gone by faster somehow”.
“Maybe it’s because of age that everything seems to go faster and faster?”
This or something similar is what I hear when I talk to friends about time and how quickly it passes.
Recently I read an interesting interview with Prof. Dr. Hartmut Rosa, one of the most renowned German time researchers. This is what he said: “We are … richer in adventures and action, however we are poorer in experiences. For our adventures and events are no longer transformed into experiences.”
We have so many choices that we often rush from one event to the next – without having taken time to process the last one, to consciously process and store it in our mind. It’s as if we’re always just scratching the surface but no longer going into the depths. Everything seems faster and less intense. And so Prof. Rosa goes on to say: “If you want to feel rich in time, you should waste a day now and then, plan nothing, do nothing productive.”
I recommend this in combination with what I call the “Slow Motion Technique”.

For one day, imagine your perception like a camera in a Hollywood movie. In your everyday life, zoom in on things, people, parts of a scenery. Take a closer look at the details. Maybe even fade out one level of perception at the same time or move it into the background (e.g. sounds / noises). Play with your focus. Maybe some scenes will seem like slow motion to you because you suddenly perceive them much more consciously and intensively.

This way you train your sensory perception and enrich your impressions. Maybe some details will even surprise you. In any case, you will perceive and experience more deeply and consciously.

In addition, this exercise trains you to keep your focus when you really need it (e.g. when you are working on something or reading on a train journey and the person next to you is talking intensively on the phone – happened to me regularly :-)).

It is often easier for us to do this on holiday – when we are somewhere for the first time and seem to perceive everything much more intensively, or when we are lying on the beach with a good book and forget the world around us.

Try to capture this magic in everyday moments as well:

For example, notice ambient noises or a babble of voices like background music and concentrate on something close to you.
Chew your food a little longer. Concentrate consciously on the taste.
Look at your hands or fingers for a minute.
While waiting in a queue, observe the behaviour of the person in front of you.
Become more aware of everyday actions – such as opening doors.

Also plan to turn your into experiences into memories – i.e. take a break from time to time and look back. What have you accomplished? What have you achieved? What have you experienced – what has enriched your life? What do you want to save as a beautiful memory that will give you strength in difficult times?

Stage your everyday life, enrich your senses – and don’t forget to give yourself and others the Oscar every now and then ;-))

Happy filming,

Birgit

I am currently reading the book “Der Traum vom unangepassten Leben” (The Dream of an Unadapted Life) by Bernard Moestl. In it, the author describes various experiences from his more than 30 years of travel, which inspire to think about different topics in life.
I particularly remembered a story he told about curiosity.
On the road in Thailand, he sat down in the fresh air with food he had bought in the supermarket to eat. In the area he was in, it was probably a rarity to “sight Europeans” – and so people gradually passed by, looking at him in amazement. Among them were mothers with their children. One mother even left and came back with more children to show them the “foreigner”. A little girl even came up to him and asked him a question.

And now imagine this scene in our country.
Unthinkable, isn’t it?
Just walking up to a stranger and asking something, that’s “not done”.
In fact, curiosity is an innate instinct. Initially so important for exploring the world and learning everything, curiosity is then literally “socialized out of us” over the years.
“You can’t just walk up to a stranger and ask them something!”

Why not?
Why is that considered rude and intrusive?
Can’t I assume that my counterpart is adult enough to refuse to answer – if the question was inappropriate – or to “fight back”?

Especially in our western world, we have lost so much of our childlike curiosity – and I’m afraid mobile phones & Co. add to the effect that people prefer to ask Google rather than the person in front of them.

But a respectful curiosity and genuine interest in the other person can’t be a bad thing, can it?
And let’s take the idea a step further:
I see someone who has something about him that makes me totally curious – e.g. a headdress or a costume that is unfamiliar to me.
Option 1 would be to approach them and ask.
Option 2 – the “polite” version – would be to exercise restraint and not ask. But what happens then?
If I don’t get any answers, I get creative. I start to make assumptions and satisfy my curiosity with a self-knitted story about the person. And what happens to such stories – especially when they are retold – we all know …
So is it really more polite if I make vague or incorrect assumptions instead of asking?

This has given me food for thought and I have resolved to muster up the courage more often, to approach people directly and ask more questions.

What is there to lose?

In which situations and encounters could you perhaps be even more courageous and ask directly?
Try it out and let yourself be surprised.
Most of the time, it’s not only the reaction of your counterpart that is different from what you expected – often you also find out things that you would never have assumed!
And sometimes it’s the start of wonderful encounters and connections.

Stay curious!

Birgit

As the beginning of a new year is often the time when we think about which habits we could establish that could make us feel better, I’ll bring my article on meditation for you again today. Maybe one of the types of meditation is something for you? I hope you enjoy reading it and that it helps you to quiet your mind.

Even if nowadays there is a lot of evidence and research on the practice of meditation and its benefits, I often feel people are reacting a litte reserved when it is suggest as helpful method for relaxation. Perhaps it’s because people have various and different assumptions on what meditation is – pleasant ones as well as mysterious ones.
In fact, everybody can practice meditation anywhere at anytime. You do not need to follow a certain belief or have special talents or previous knowledge. Meditation is like a journey to yourself. Even if it might be helpful to establish a routine, meditating at the same place and at similar times when you start, it does not require a special location or time to be of benefit for you.

The scientific benefits of meditaion are really amazing and diverse. Only to name a few, meditaion can

• reduce your stress level
• build your resilience
• increase your compassion
• strengthen your focus and concentration
• improve your mood and emotional intelligence
• foster your optimism and relaxation
• enhance your self-esteem
• increase your cognitive thinking and creative skills
• improve your immune system

There are different types and techniques of meditation. The guided meditation can be like an inner journey – sometimes even an imaginary journey like the ones you will be provided with in this blog. It may be as well a mindful journey through your body and its sensations when practicing a bodyscan.T

The classic, silent meditation is like a mental retreat from your environment and your thoughts. This can be achieved through focusing on your body (e.g. on your breath), on a mantra (mantra-meditation) or on a real or visualized item (e.g. a candle).
Actually I think we are very familiar with the “mental retreat”. Think of how you commute and drive your well-known route by heart, as if you are on “autopilot” – while your thoughts are drifting away elsewhere. I call this an reality-trance. The difference is, that in this case we are led by our thoughts. They walk us to wherever they want – whereas meditation increases our ability to conciously focus our attention to one thing and let go of your thoughts – an ability that is very helpful in other context, especially nowadays, where we are constantly exposed to various distractions and impressions.

Many people believe, it is important to get rid of your thoughts when practicing meditation. So they work hard not to think of anything, get angry when they do not succeed or say things like “this does not work for me” when they continue having thoughts.
Does’nt sound very relaxing, does it?
Yes, it’s true that the goal of meditation is the ability to calm you mind – but in fact, it is natural and normal that thoughts will come up while you are meditating – as well as physical sensations like twitches or itching in different areas of your body. At this point the difference lies in your reaction to it. Practicing meditation would mean you perceive those sensations and thoughts, you accept them but do not evaluate them or turn your attention to them. Instead, you continue tuning in to your meditation. It’s like watching yourself as an external observer: “aha, now I think of” and then let go of the thought. Or like “my eyebrow is itching” and not scratching but just accepting it (it will go away, I promise!). Sometimes it can also be of help to do light physical exercises before you meditate – like a light sport unit, a walk or Yoga.

Like with all other relaxation methods, same rule appplies to meditation: constant dripping wears the rock away. It’s training your mind, body and sould to become silent. Sitting in silence will become easier over time. Try to meditate 1-2 times a day for 5-7 minutes in the beginning. You then can continuously increase the time (20 minutes is already advanced level).

Lay down or sit while practicing, find a comfortable position – but not so comfortable that you fall asleep. (If you sit, do not recline). It is not necessary that you are a master of the tailor seat or lotus position. Just take care, that your is upright so you can breath easily and openly.

Enough theory for now – now go and try it out. Below I have added some Links and tipps to start with:

1. Mindfulness App: This App provides a nice introduction into mediation; the free version includes a guided mindfulness meditation and the possibility to configure your personal one by chosing from different options and background noises.
   Google Play –iTunes
2. Headspace App: supports you to medidate and life mindfully; not only does it include bite-sized meditation sessions for busy times, but also hundreds of themed sessions on everything from stress and sleep to focus and anxiety.
   Google Play –iTunes
3. Youtube: Youtube is worth a look and listen – but take your time and try out different versions to find the one you resonate with. Content, tone of voice and the type of meditation play crucial roles in your decision whether you like it or not.

And now relax and enjoy,

Birgit

Isn’t it wonderful that we as humans – unlike animals – have the language to communicate? The German language is estimated to have between 300,000 and 500,000 words. And yet I experience time and again that communication just doesn’t work. Even if we speak the same language.
How often do we think we know how something was meant – react accordingly and then wonder about the astonished reaction of our counterpart?

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. – George Bernard Shaw

It is normal that communication is not so easy despite the many words and common languages. Because we communicate not only words, but also “between the lines” wishes, expectations, experiences. We do not describe the world as it is, but as WE are, as WE see it. And how often do we not really listen, but start interpreting what is said and preparing a suitable answer while we are still “listening”?
I could mention numerous communication models here, but that is not my point. Rather, I have often asked myself recently how I can get better in understanding what is meant, in immersing myself better in the world of my counterpart, so to speak, in order to avoid misunderstandings and, above all, to really see the other person. And not my interpretation of him or her, but his or her true nature.

Try to understand before you are trying to be understood. – Steven Covey

I think the following aspects help with this:

• Wish to understand = be ready to let go of being right: In order to really engage with the other person’s perspective (which doesn’t mean I agree with it), I first need to listen to understand – not to refute or pick out a ‘point of attack’. To do this, I need genuine interest, the realisation that there is often no right or wrong – only different – and the ability to take myself back when listening.
• Communicate clearly: I can make it easier for others by not communicating in a “veiled” way – but by saying what I mean and meaning what I say. This may be a bit “unromantic” at times, but clearer. Nevertheless, it may not always be possible for reasons of politeness or respect. Therefore, another important quality is
• Clarify understanding by asking: very simply. How is it meant? Is it meant as I understood it?
• Judge according to actions: One of the most reliable ways to understand how something was meant is to look at how the other person actually behaves. Are the words followed by actions? Does the behaviour match the words? But also in relation to myself: do I live what I say?

Especially now at this time of year, when we are looking back, is perhaps a good time to check the following:

• Where did I succeed in communicating well with the people around me? Where less so?
• Do I tend to interpret, to believe what is meant – without checking it?
• Where could I perhaps pay more attention to actions instead of words? With others? But also with myself?
• And where would I like to put my words into action in the coming year?

May we – especially in these days of so much writing – succeed more often in personally exchanging with each other – with the will and the desire to really see each other – and to let words be followed by deeds!

Or, as a dear friend likes to say: Stop talking – act! 😉

That being said, take care!

Birgit