The last articles where mainly about topics related to the development of our personality. So I think it’s time for some relaxation now.
Below this blog article (browser view) you will find a link to a Spotify playlist with so-called EMDR music. EMDR stands for “Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing”. This technique was originally developed for psychotherapy, but is also excellent servant for deep relaxation. It is based on the phenomenon that during sleep in the REM phase (Rapid Eye Movement), we store experiences, events and the associated emotions in our “file system in the brain” and thus process them. In the case of particularly intense or touchung negative experiences, this sometimes doesn’t work – usually because our subconscious mind is overwhelmed or has no reference as to where this experience can best be sorted. Hence it continues to haunt us, can block us or – when we encounter a similar situation again – make us overreact (trigger).
EMDR makes use of the phenomenon of REM sleep, simulating the stimulation of the two hemispheres of the brain as it happens during the night, through various methods in the waking state. In this way we can achieve deep relaxation and let go of stress. In the so-called WingWave® Coaching, this stimulation is achieved by inducing rapid eye movements; however, appropriate music can also be used for this purpose. And this is what the playlist is for.
When I listened to this music for the first time, I was somehow irritated. The sound travels in waves from the left ear to the right ear and back again. That’s why it’s important for the effectiveness that you wear headphones. At first my mind found it so strange that it had trouble letting go. But when I gradually managed to get into it, I literally immersed myself. Now I use the music to meditate on days when my mental chatterbox is particularly talkative 😉 ‘ Most of the time it works quite well. Maybe it’s something for you too?
Grab your headphones, find a quiet spot and let your subconscious ride the acoustic wave.
If your mind needs more information about WingWave® and EMDR before it can let go with confidence, I have also listed a few more links below this article.
“You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.”
For sure, the Eagles meant something different with these lines in the song “Hotel California” – but when I heard them the other day while jogging, I spontaneously thought, “Yeah, that’s what life feels like right now.” Aren’t we all somehow “caught” in a situation from which we can’t escape? We have to endure, persevere, keep going. This requires energy, confidence, a healthy body and emotional balance.
And the best way to strengthen these resources is to realize that – even if we have to stay in a situation – we can “checkout” at any time – in other words, there are always opportunities to take small time-outs, to unplug. Especially when things get too much for us, some kind of checkout is particularly important. How often do we get stuck in everyday situations – be it the traffic jam on the highway, the wait at the doctor’s or the line at the checkout at the supermarket. Instead of struggling through it, it often helps to press the pause button for a moment. And sometimes the emerging, relaxed attitude leads to options opening up that ease the situation.
That’s why I would like to invite you to include “checkouts” in your life in order to come to rest – even if it’s only for a short time – to recharge your batteries and stay calm and healthy.
Basically, it is already a checkout if you consciously change your activities. If you sit a lot, stand up. If you look at the screen a lot, let your eyes wander into the distance. If you have ti talk a lot, allow yourself times of silence. If you work inside a lot, go outside, etc.
The following checkouts do not take much of your time, but they are very effective. And if you prefer to do them in a quiet place, here’s a tip I often get ridiculed for: a perfect escape is the toilet.
“Check Out any time your like” – 11 Tips
1. 3 times the Breath – Stop whatever you are doing now and close your eyes. Bring your attention to your shoulders. On the next exhale, drop your shoulders and consciously let all tension leave your body. Place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly and repeat the following breathing rhythm three times: Breathe in consciously and for a long time. Hold the breath for a moment. Exhale completely. Be aware of the “still point” between exhalation and the next inhalation – then inhale again.
2. Focus Play Look up and choose an object in the distance to focus on. Consciously notice that all impressions in the surroundings of this object become blurred by this focus. Now choose another object that lies in the same line of sight, but is closer to you. Now direct your eyes and focus on this object and notice how again everything that seemed sharp becomes blurred. Switch your focus between these two objects 3-5 times.
3. “We think too much and dance too little” Put on your favorite music and go wild dancing. Level up: loudly sing along 😉
4. 5-4-3-2-1 Method Stop what you are doing and thinking. Close your eyes for a moment and imagine a stop sign. Open your eyes again and List 5 things you are seeing right now. Then turn your attention to sounds and count 5 things you are hearing. Afterwards, focus on 5 things you feel and name them. Next, notice 5 things you smell and name them. Start over and practice 4 more rounds: 4 things you see, 4 you hear and 4 you feel, 4 you smell. 3 that you see, 3 that you hear, 3 that you feel, 3 that you smell, etc.
5. Beginners Mind Perform the next activity as if you were doing it for the first time. Reduce the speed of execution and look at everything with curiosity and fascination.
6. Fresh Breeze Get up, open the window. Stand by the window and just look into the distance for a minute. Level up: Take a short walk (no matter what the weather!) and combine it with checkout #4, #8 and #9.
7. Upside Down Consciously perform the next activity “the other way around”, e.g. Operate the mouse on your computer with the other hand. Write with the other hand. Walk a few steps backwards. Intentionally put on two different colored socks etc.
8. Digital Detox You probably know this one: go offline for an evening – or for an hour to start with. No PC, no tablet, no cell phone, no radio, no TV – just “switch off”.
9. Grounded Take off your shoes and walk barefoot for a while – On the carpet, the floor inside and outside. Consciously notice how the ground feels under your feet.
10. Get Tense – to Relax Stop what you are doing. Take one deep breath. Now tense all the muscles in your body at once: – Inhale deeply to tighten your chest – Strongly form fists with your hands – Pull your shoulders up and push them backwards – Tense your abdomen by pressing it toward your spine – Tense your jaw muscles – Press your tongue against the roof of your mouth – Tense your forehead – Squint your eyes – Hold the tension for 5-7 seconds – Let go and enjoy the relaxation!
11. RAK’n’Roll RAK stands for “Random Acts of Kindness” – small gestures of generosity. Do something kind for someone – spend a smile, help carrying bags, hold the door open, pay the coffee to go for the person behind you in line, etc.
In addition to these “express checkouts,” it’s a good idea to regularly schedule longer time-outs into your daily routine that benefit your well-being: – Cook healthy meals and eat with pleasure and awareness. – Exercise and sport units – Power naps – Walks in the fresh air …
And if you need a song to check out, here’s the song to the article:
The idea for this blog article actually came to me during my morning yoga session. It made me realise that our body sometimes adopts a protective posture to avoid pain. This can happen after an injury, for example, or also when we experience pain during certain movements due to immobility, overstraining or inflammation. Temporarily, this protective posture can be helpful, necessary or consciously wanted to enable relief and healing. In the case of major injuries, we are even prescribed this protective posture if, for example, joints, tendons or bones are temporarily immobilised by a plaster cast, orthosis or similar.
Normally, however, the protective posture happens unconsciously and and build ups continuously. Usually, we only become aware of it when we experience pain in another part of the body, because an imbalance has been created by the permanent protective posture, which has to be compensated for by an incorrect posture. And so the imbalance increases while our flexibility decreases.
And then I thought: isn’t it the same with emotions? Don’t we also tend to avoid certain situations, people or events (or keep them at bay by being particularly tough) if our last experience was bad or painful? For example, if you gave a talk in front of many people and had a total blackout, would you immediately go back on stage? If you had a fall (from a horse, bicycle, motorbike, while skiing ….), would you get back on immediately? If you were hurt in your last relationship, can you start again with confidence and trust in the new one?
Pain happens – no matter whether it is caused by physical or emotional injuries. And yes, relief needs a certain amount of time which helps to process (not surpress or block). Take this time! But then it is important not to remain in this posture, but to get moving again as quickly as possible and slowly rebuild flexibility – it’s the same with emotions as it is with muscles. Because if we maintain the protective posture, it may feel safe at first – but in the long run it has unpleasant consequences:
Emotional imbalance: To avoid one feeling, we develop another one stronger, such as hardness to avoid sadness.
Lack of flexibility: We unlearn how to deal with certain emotions – and suffer all the more when we encounter them again. I.e. there is even a
Greater risk of injury.
Pain in other areas: We may succeed in avoiding some injuries and pain. However, our isolation also prevents beautiful experiences, joy and liveliness – and makes us lonely in the long run.
And just like the physical recovery, the emotional recovery also feels uncertain and “shaky” in the beginning. But hold on, it will settle with time! This is the only way to stay lithely so that you can unfold your full potential and experience the complete “range of motion” of life and emotions.
Where have you fallen into a protective posture emotionally? How could you regain flexibility?
And as I am writing this — doesn’t it all somehow apply to our thoughts and perspectives, too?
So – time for some stretching exercises – for the body, the mind and the heart – and then off into life!
I’m not asking this because it’s mulled wine time. You can have it 😉 But when I decided to abstain from alcohol in November, I realized that we numb our bodies with all kinds of things – sometimes quite unconsciously. Often we only notice it when we “sober up” in the corresponding area – that is, when we practice abstinence for a while. If we consume something regularly, we get used to it very quickly – and lose the feeling for the right measure. Anyone who has ever used the same perfume or aftershave for a longer period of time will be familiar with this: after a while, you get the feeling that the scent fades much faster. But the truth is that we perceive it less and less because our nose has already become accustomed to it. And when things go badly (for our fellow human beings ;-)) we continuously increase the amount until we smell it again.
“Anesthesia” can set in when we need more and more of something that boosts our reward system in the brain to achieve the desired feeling of happiness. Or when we continuously distract ourselves to hide away from feeling.
Here is a small selection of common “anesthetics”:
Alcohol (to relax and unwind)
Sugar (happiness kick)
Caffeine (energy kick)
Food (do you eat for hunger or appetite?)
Work (“one more …. If I first… then …”)
Thoughts (brooding)
Social media / cell phone (the like kick, satisfying curiosity)
Television
Sports (“relief kick” upon completion)
Busyness (always having something to do, even if it’s not actually useful or necessary; no breaks)
Shopping (rewarding myself)
News (“excitement kick”)
You can find out if you are still enjoying and consuming at a normal level or are already in numbing mode by answering these questions:
Can you enjoy it without immediately wanting more?
Do you consume consciously or casually? (e.g. messages in the cell phone or the bag of chips).
Do you feel after a certain amount a physical or emotional “enough” (saturation)?
Are you aware of how often and how much you consume?
Are you aware in which situations you reach for the respective “narcotic” and which craving you actually want to satisfy with it?
Do you sometimes consume so much of it that you only notice the “overdose” when you are no longer feeling well?
Can you do without it for a certain period of time without any problems? (Answer yes only after you have tried it – you will be surprised …).
Maybe you would like to start an experiment during the next days and weeks and do without one of your favorite “narcotics”? It is definitely worth it! If you succeed, you will:
gain exciting insights about yourself
regain a sense of control
become more mindful and aware of your feelings
be more in touch with your body and its signals again
regain the feeling for the right (healthy) measure
use this awareness to better control what is good for you
taste, feel and perceive the respective “remedy” more intensively after the renunciation
feel clearer, stronger and more alive!
And: when you are in contact with yourself again, you can apply this conscious mindfulness to other areas.
The other day I put on my running shoes and started running – although it rained a little. While on track the rain got heavier and the wind blew from the front. And although the water ran down my face, something happened to me during this run and I finally had to smile. I noticed how I was running out of my comfort zone and – that I enjoyed it. I felt alive, pure, present in the moment.
Yes, it’s about liveliness. It’s about standing the rain – or the wind. To get connected with your feelings, with the present moment. And it’s about how exactly this can increase your resilience.
Admittedly, if we compare this year with a general weather situation, you could say that we have been in the rain quite a bit so far and any forecast was and is about as reliable as the weather report 😉 For such a situation there is no suitable exercise. But it is a bit like marathon training. It also happens in small, intensive run segments, but all of them are shorter than 43 km.
How we cope with and deal with uncomfortable situations depends on the extent of which we are used to them. You won’t gain resistance and stamina if you take it easy or always choose the path of least resistance.
Our resilience is like a muscle for endurance. It can be trained – and it is advisable to do so continuously in order to be strong enough when it counts.
The training steps for your resilience muscle are always the same – whether voluntary or involuntary:
1. Awareness – You notice that something is stressing you or is triggering unpleasant thoughts and feelings in you. You discover a trigger and at the same time an area where you need more resilience. Let’s stay with my run. As the rain increased and I got wetter and wetter, I thought “Oh no, no!” I also noticed how I increased my pace.
2. Acceptance – Accepting means to accept the insight on your trigger. “Ok, I’m not used to walking in the rain” or “I don’t like walking with wet feet”.
3. Endurance – There is no way around it – only right through it. Especially in situations that we cannot choose, the simple and moving motto now is: “Face it, stand it, endure it.”
4. Adapting – Adapting can help with endurance and can affect both our behaviour and our thoughts. Can you do something different in an unpleasant situation to make it easier for you? Which thoughts would be helpful now? What should you focus on to make you feel better? “One step at a time – just keep going! – or “Haha, others go to the beautician and have their skin moistened so that it looks fresher. I have this included :-).” or “Oh, what am I looking forward to a warm shower and a tea afterwards.”
5. Recovery – Without question – enduring and adapting drains energy. Therefore it is important to allow yourself a phase of regeneration after such a strain. Your resilience muscle grows during the rest phase – just like any other muscle. I really enjoyed a long shower and put on some nice music for tea afterwards.
6. Learning – Reflection phase when the situation is over. How hard did you find it to bear? Which adaptation strategies worked particularly well? What can you learn from this for the next time? Changing my thoughts helped me a lot – and even brought a smile to my lips (I was thinking about it with the beautician ;-)) Learning: Running in the rain is cool and I can do it.
7. Adjusting – Put your insights into practice. What will you do (differently) next time? I will go running in the rain again and have bought a rain jacket. I am looking forward to the awesome feeling again!
It was especially exciting for me that I benefited in two ways just by changing my mindset in the situation: I felt alive and happy – and I trained my endurance and also made myself independent of the weather in my running schedule in the future.
When was the last time you trained yourself in accepting and enduring? When did you voluntarily choose the more unpleasant option? Or when did you consciously stay in an unpleasant situation and make it your teacher?
How and where could you consciously stand “in the rain” in the coming week to train your resilience muscle?
Today I would like to invite you to do something that is super important for your personal development: nothing! Yes, you read correctly! Growth does not take place during periods of stress – but during the following periods of rest. This is not only the case in sports, where muscle growth is only enabled by training breaks. The principle can also be found in other areas:
It is easier to find solutions if we make ourselves aware of the challenge – and then let go (it’s for a reason that brilliant ideas rarely show up if we ponder hard enough, but rather in moments when we no longer think about the problem).
We process emotions in our sleep, e.g. by dreaming (by the way – everyone is dreaming – about it – even if not everyone can remember).
We learning experiences only stick when we allow the mind to rest in order to sort them correctly in our synaptic library.
Now, before you take it literally and switch off, there is one more thing that is important: Your emotional mindset. Your “lazy day” will only have a positive effect if you really allow yourself to have it and give yourself an okay – without a guilty conscience!
So – go ahead and treat yourself! (And in case you need it: I hereby officially give you permission to do so ;-))
While doing my running routine along the Neckar yesterday morning, the humid autumn air in my nose and the morning sun on my back, I thought: isn’t sport amazing! It almost felt as if I could run away from this weird situation – which is now going into another round with the Soft Lock Down. And it is indeed a bit like that. That’s why I want to promote sports this week. It doesn’t have to be running – no matter what kind of sport will make you sweat – it will do you good on several levels and provide exactly what you need to be physically and mentally strengthened to cope with whatever comes your way.
In order for us to feel good in the sense of salutogenesis (a concept that explores how health can be established and maintained), we need a sense of meaning, comprehensibility and manageability of what is happening and what we are dealing with.
We feel good, when we
are able to act in a self-determined way
have a sense of control
experience self-efficacy
contribute to something meaningful
do something that we are mastering, that challenges us and encourages us – at best even lets us get into the flow
have a sense of achievement
A regular sport unit can be an island in your everyday life, which includes all this!
You decide when, where, what and how often you exercise.
You can control the process, train at your own pace and rhythm.
Planning the sport unit, completing it successfully and even noticing positive changes in your shape and fitness after a while strengthens your self-esteem and self-confidence – and gives your ego a boost – you’re really on top of it!
Furthermore you make a valuable contribution to your health – not only the physical, but also the mental health.
“Everything that is good for the body helps the soul.” Prof. Dr. Manfred Spitzer
Plus: If you choose an activity that you really enjoy or combine it with something you love to motivate you (e.g. a beautiful place in nature or your favourite music to your ears), the whole thing is even more effective.
So, get at the helm of your well-being and enjoy your sportive island – best outside to get some fresh air!
“You only know what’s beyond the horizon if you are able to cross it.”
I remembered how enriching but also how challenging it can be to broaden one’s own horizon, i.e. to exceed one’s mental or even physical limits just recently, when I recalled a series of films I saw on YouTube a few years ago. It is HUMAN by Yann Arthus-Bertrand (link at the end of the article). As a photographer, journalist and environmentalist, Arthus-Bertrand is known for his breathtaking bird’s eye views. The film series HUMAN consists of three parts, which are not films in the classical sense. Within 90 minutes each, the faces of people of different origins, genders, ages and cultures are shown in front of a black background. These people report on their experiences and views on the “great themes of humanity” such as love, war, death, poverty, work etc. The close-ups of the people alternate with pictures of their countries from a bird’s eye view.
As simple as the concept of the film may sound, all three parts totally captivated me. Looking into the eyes of these people – and equally into their souls and what moves them – moved e. It is the fact that it’s just statements and stories in the film – not commented or evaluated – that viewer to evaluate. You are not told what to think about it – instead, the film confronts you inwardly with your own opinion. Some perspectives and stories sounded familiar and understandable, others challenged me, astonished me and pushed me to the limits of my beliefs. For when I suddenly perceived situations from the perspective of the person telling the story, with all the emotions that went with it, my inner “commentary” changed and my view became wider. It was as if I had previously looked at an object from only one side and someone invited me to walk around the object and look at it from behind. The picture became more complete, got new facets and dimensions, became 3D.
How often do we look at the world in 1D? How often do we not want to leave our point of view and change to another perspective? Why should we? Because the world is much more beautiful in 3D 🙂
Seriously: Getting involved with someone else’s perspective, widening one’s view and heart and thus broadening one’s horizon has many advantages:
The more we have seen – and if only through the eyes of the other person – the …
… easier it becomes to appreciate differences. We no longer see them as obstacles, but accept them or even see them as enrichment.
… more we consider to be possible. If we consider more to be possible, we generate more options for action. More options for action in turn lead to better decisions and improved problem solving. And if we can solve problems more easily, we have less stress. So we become “fitter” in the sense of more adaptable.
… more we become more aware of our own perspective, feel our limits and where we run the risk of isolating ourselves.
… more we become more aware that what may be normal for us can cause a strange feelings in others and vice versa. This improves our social and emotional competence.
… more grateful we look at many aspects of our own life.
… more humble we become with regard to our beliefs.
… more we perceive the world and people in a multi-faceted way.
… more we improve our ability to really get involved with our counterpart and to build up a connection.
The good thing about it is that the world becomes much more colourful and diverse for us. The price for this is that we have to say goodbye to quite simple black and white / good-bad thinking. This can be challenging because our own convictions of what is wrong and right or who is good and who is evil give us supposed orientation, support and security. But they equally prevent us from approaching each other benevolently, openly and with the best of intentions.
If you are ready to see people in 3D, then
– why don’t you take some time next week and listen openly to someone you “don’t understand at all”? Let yourself in and become aware of your limits – and then dissolve them very gently. – look for an opportunity to volunteer in a field that opens up new perspectives (e.g. helping out in the soup kitchen, reading to children …) – take a look at HUMAN – or if you prefer more action: I think the film “Avatar” wonderful opportunities to changing perspectives. .(Funnily enough, it even ran in 3D in the cinema ;-))
Good luck looking through the 3D glasses – there is a lot to discover!
Man is a social being. Even if you may sometimes long for quiet moments on your own – we need contact with other people, exchange, a feeling of belonging, a sense of attachment. This is why the last weeks and months are a great challenge, also from a psychological point of view. Not only because we have to keep our distance and can only perceive a small part of the meaningful facial expressions of the other person because of the masks, but also because for some people a feeling of social detachment can quickly arise in the home office. Those who are missing the feeling of making a contribution because of short-time work and are home alone should be careful not to get into a situation where being alone suddenly turns into a feeling of loneliness.
The following points can help you to maintain confidence and mental well-being despite adverse circumstances:
Regular daily routine: For many people, nothing is the way it used to be; work is done on a smaller scale – or the work is temporarily absent or has to be accomplished in another location. Whatever has changed, try to maintain a regular daily routine. Routines give our soul stability and security – and compensate for the many other imponderables. If you are currently on 100% short-time work, get up at the same time and start the day as usual. As nice as the thought of going with the flow may be at first, avoid “getting bogged down”. Even in home office, a trend has now become established that is supposed to give the brain the signals for “start of work” and “end of day”: fake commuting. Some home office workers leave the house in the morning as usual – as if they were going to work, and then return to their workplace (at home) after a walk around the block. This also makes it easier to switch from work to private mode.
Daily plan and conscious start: Even with no or reduced work: make a daily plan with the most important tasks you want to accomplish that day. For sure there are many things you have always wanted to do: self development, gardening, the sports unit, household repairs … successfully completing tasks gives us the satisfying feeling of contribution and self-efficacy. And then …
Recognize your achievements: When you have completed one task, make a short break before moving on to the next. And in the evening, look back on the day and write down your accomplishments.
Healthy lifestyle: Make sure you get enough sleep, eat healthy food and exercise every day. A balanced and healthy body is a good resource when your mind is out of balance (which is not that often the case when we are physically balanced).
Treat yourself to something special: Take a bath, read your favourite book, do handicrafts or do something else that gives you energy and joy. This also means that you are worth it to perpare regular meals for yourself with joy and care.
Cheat Day: Yes, you can treat yourself to a day now and then when you can the reins relax. Staying in bed for a long time, binge watching of your favourite show, couching, putting pizza in the oven — whatever it looks like to you. Let go.
Stay in touch: Even if we think it’s a bad substitute – phone calls and video calls are still better than no contact! So why not arrange for a virtual coffee or a glass of wine together via Zoom or Skype. Until it is possible again to meet in person, this is a good way to see each other without any risks.
Take care of yourself and be good to yourself! Be your best friend – you are wonderful!
Today I read an article about how important it is to let your thoughts wander from time to time. In today’s world of optimisation and efficiency increase, lost thoughts are rather seen as counterproductive. But far from it. The corset in which we like to put our mind regarding the many things to be done and with which we want to make it work and work out in a controlled way, might have just the opposite effect. Yes, focus is good and important. When we devote ourselves to a task, we should be there with full attention. But when focused concentration turns into strained short-sightedness, productivity is quickly dying. Maybe you know this – it feels as if your mind winds into a task. Your gaze becomes narrower and narrower, your mood more and more strained, your neck stiffer and stiffer. You forget to drink, eat and you sit on it for hours. But instead of an exhilarating flow you feel slower and slower. Sometimes your mind wanders away exactly in such a situation. But instead of calling it back strictly, let it go. Maybe it is especially important to get you out of your tension in that moment. Sometimes your thoughts drift away if you give them space to do so. Just take a deep breath and lean back.
“I have never made any of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking.” Albert Einstein
From whatever situation your mind decides to go its own way – release it and follow it with ease and curiously on its (sometimes chaotic) path. Allow yourself and your mind the mental relaxation exercise and enjoy the mental break like a walk – just for the sake of the walk.
Maybe you will come up with new ideas. The best ideas and solutions are usually found in the most unusual moments (especially when you are not looking for them). However, it will certainly be easier for you to concentrate and to devote yourself to your tasks again with pleasure afterwards.
